When I was 15.

04 Wednesday Nov 2015

A friend and I went to a CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) dance, a usual monthly outlet for a Sunday afternoon, but this time we went to her church hall which had a Saturday night dance. More than Catholic kids attended. Some of the kids looked a mite older than what I was used to seeing as well.

One guy seemed to really want to know me and asked me to dance often, to the point where I was no longer hanging out with my friend. I was okay with this for a while, but I really just wanted to be with my friend. I did not know what to do with this older boy.

When it came time to go home I made excuses and ducked out before making any commitments to see each other.

The rest of the story: my friend went again the next time a dance was scheduled. I could not join her this time. The boy went up to her and asked about me. She told him I was pregnant! He would not be pursuing me any more. Somehow she thought this a solution for his unwanted attention.

When she told me what she had done I was mortified! I could not go to that dance again, ever. He would think I had an abortion, or if he believed the truth, he would think us nuts! I thought she was nuts!

Somehow we remained friends and even laughed about this later, but I warned her: never again. I would handle my own business and preferred the truth.

Another time, when I joined my older sister for a tea dance at the Annapolis Naval Academy,on a very snowy winter’s day, I had a similar situation. I just wanted to dance with a handsome young man and had no plans beyond that. I was 16 and still entering the dating scene.

A nice older cadet asked me to dance and I felt he was seeking more than I was willing to do.

I spoke up and immediately explained after the first dance that I was 16 and visiting my sister and just enjoyed dancing. I then told him I would understand if he wanted to seek out a girl more his age.

He stopped and looked at me quietly for several seconds. Then he spoke up saying I was the same age as his little sister. His eyes were more “open” and he offered to take me to the “mess” for a soda and just to talk.

Turned out he missed his family. Treating me as he would his little sister, laughing and just visiting seemed to relax him as much as it did me (for sure!) He was a gentleman and became what I would call protective.

He took me back to the dance to find my sister for the return to her college “down the road”. He told me to be careful and thanked me for spending time with him. I thanked him as well. It was way more fun getting to know him without pressure or expectations and I did not miss dancing at all. We each got a gift of time and friendship if only just for that one afternoon.

Parents and TRUST

28 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by gimoje in Uncategorized

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Trust is not easily earned, and too easily lost. Regaining it is even harder.

Our kids first learn to trust us (or not) when we feed them, clean them, dress them, play with them. We are their ‘gods’ for a time being. When we screw up, as we all will do in their lifetimes, it is best to minimize it as best we can by our choices and the reasons why we made them.

This dad wanted to ‘help’ his son ‘through’ his fear.

Having been thrown into 9 feet of water at age 5 years old in order to teach me what I don’t know (I ready knew I didn’t know how to swim!) and to teach me that I have inner strength (I really don’t think that the arrogant, smug, belittling teacher intended this lesson), I learned to NOT trust this swim ‘teacher’ and went elsewhere for lessons.

Yes, I was also angry with my mom for her poor choice of teachers for me. Believe me, having been an irrate 5 year old and having been the parent of irrate 5 year olds at one time or other, a child can ‘teach’ an adult a lot about many things!

Sadly, with the no-secrets-technology of today, this dad is learning in a big way that really, really hurts his whole family. Judgments are being made on both sides of the story.

My feelings: our home and our parents are our haven of trust and love. We ought not rush our kids to actions for OUR needs, OUR fears, OUR agendas whatever they are.

I wish healing for this family, and that others who rush to judge for or against what occurred take some ‘time out’ themselves in front a mirror. What mistakes have you made for which you still see repercussions and continue to make excuses for as ‘not my fault’? What language do you use around your kids? What insecurities or bravado do you present to your kids? What are you WILLING to do to model to your kids and not just tell them to do when you are not or are unable?

Our kids, regardless of what you may think, are not OUR virtual selves!

AND LISTEN to your kids, OBSERVE THEM! There is so much more to communication than just words. Build trust and you will not be sorry. Show them you are there for them and they will be there for you.